MotD, KK and PR
FINGER IN THE DYKE
At some point in the fifties, Martin Luther King must have wandered around his front room muttering: “This constitutional racism is really getting on my nerves. I’m of a mind to do something about it. But what…?” The Fiver knows how he feels. Today we too are faced with a seemingly insurmountable challenge – keeping Match of the Day on the telly – and while the spirit is willing, the five-point plan of action is decidedly sketchy.
Our main idea is to get some bloke called Greg Dyke in to help. We heard him on the radio this morning – apparently he’s big in the rat business – and he talked a lot of sense. He said that the BBC had doubled its bid to keep MotD, that the eventual winners of the rights, ITV, were uninterested only a few weeks ago, and that every Premiership chairman is totally gutted at the result. The Fiver believed every word of it (unlike Premier League spokesman Mike Lee who reckoned, “It sounds like sour grapes”).
With a public speaker like Mr Dyke on board, the Fiver would be confident of winning the PR battle. But as any middle-class teenager with a nose ring will tell you, direct action is the key to real success and, to be quite frank, the Fiver doesn’t know which tactic to favour. Should we kidnap Sideshow Bob Wilson until ITV retract their offer? Scale Des’s moustache and tie ourselves down to it? Or simply arm Alan Hansen and Mark Lawrenson with hi-tech weaponry and set them on head of ITV sport, David Liddiment? We have a dream…
Do you have any clue about how to save the only piece of intelligent football programming on telly? Or do you just want to offer Alan a job? Send your thoughts to the.boss@theguardian.com
HANG ON IN THERE
After bamboozling Fleet Street’s finest at yesterday’s press conference by sending out Phil Neal clone Les Reed instead of himself, Kelvin Koogan returned in fighting mood today. “We took a bit of a blow and have taken the eight count as a boxer would,” he admitted while Eye of the Tiger stirred heroically in the background. “But we will come back punching.” However, before the assembled journalists could put their lacquered bouffants together to work out which middle-European country was in a line for a mauling, Koogan suddenly blurted out: “I am not Authentic Prada Canvas Bag thinking of the Germans. I am more thinking of building ourselves up.”
Five seconds passed. There was a stunned silence. Then a reporter asked him his thoughts on this country called Germany. Koogan’s resistance shattered. “We know what Germany are about, they know what we are about,” he admitted, failing in any attempt at big-boy mind games. “Our homework has been done properly,” he said, warming to the German theme. “We know what their weaknesses and strengths are. This is a big game but it was always going to be a big game.”
Under the gentlest of interrogations (“It’s a really important game isn’t it, Kev?”) Koogan went on. “It means everything,” he revealed. “We need a result. We will be doing everything we can to beat the Germans. But we also know and respect the fact that this is not easy.” Koogan insists that despite Monday’s result, it isn’t all doom and gloom in the England camp. “We played some good stuff against Portugal,” he said this afternoon. “We showed a lot of determination when a lot of other teams would have laid down. Although we’re disappointed with the result there were things to hang onto as a coach.” Like a noose and the nearest tree, perhaps?
QUOTE OF THE Amancio Prada Prada DAY
“The deal is good news for the Premier League, but the same cannot be said for the rest of the league system. It will tend to be the same three going up and down all the time and the longer clubs attract money by being in the Premier League the more entrenched their position becomes” – Football analyst Paul Wedge puts a cheery spin on life under the new TV deal.
GOOD PR WITH GEORGE GRAHAM
Hi! I’m Arsenal’s George Graham, manager of Tottenham Hotspur. People often ask me how I’ve managed to become so popular with the regulars at Hig… er, White Hart Lane. Well, let me tell you. Firstly, I won over their trust by emerging victorious from the classic 1999 Worthington Cup final, wiping out with one stroke the memory of all the trophies I won for Arsenal (ah, halcyon days). Secondly, they know my teams are honest and Agatha Ruiz Dela Prada Uk Sale hard-working in the true Tottenham tradition. Which, by the way, is why I’ve accepted a £3m bid from Aston Villa for peripheral wingman David Ginola.
That’s the sort of decisive action the fans love, you see. I mean, there’s no way somebody like supporters’ spokesman Mark Jacob would say anything like “the thought of our only creative player leaving us fills us with dread” or “all our fears are coming home to roost”. No, because our fans know what I’m about. And I’m about success. Which is why I’m not expecting people like Mark to make comments like Are Prada Nylon Bags Worth The Money “just when Tottenham fans were beginning to get excited following the signing of Sergei Rebrov, our hopes get dashed”.
In any case, there’s nothing I can do about it now, because even if Ginola doesn’t want to sign for Villa, he’ll not want to play for us again now I’ve made it clear he’s not part of my plans. Ah well. Plenty of other clubs will want him I’m sure. Anyway, if he’s really struggling for work, I know of a few supermarkets on the lookout for surly workshy individuals with unkempt hair who don’t like taking orders from their Authentic Prada Shoes Sale boss.
THE RUMOUR MILL
Spurs are already looking at a possible replacement for David Ginola. Barcelona’s Dutch winger Boudewijn Zenden is expected to be one of click more several Dutchmen to leave the Nou Camp this summer, and Spurs are ready with a £4m bid.
Arsenal have been linked with a deal for Sweden’s lanky striker Kennet Andersson. Andersson, who is now 32, currently plays for Bologna in Serie A and would cost in the region of £2m.
Scottish starlet Kenny Miller could be set for a move to Rangers. “If Hibs decided to sell Kenny, and personal terms could be agreed, then Rangers are a club that Kenny would consider going to,” his agent, Gordon Smith, said today.
Newcastle are expected to complete the signing of Argentine striker Carlos Daniel Cordone this weekend for £500,000.
Carlisle are interested in signing Kilmarnock striker Ally McCoist.
NEWS IN BRIEF
Lothar Matthaus will start for Germany against England on Saturday. “I hope Lothar will show what he can really do,” coach Erich Ribbeck told German TV. The news follows the revelation that Matthaus had offered his resignation after the Romania game. “I Agatha Ruiz Dela Prada Shoes Uk offered my resignation to the manager and told him that this would be the best solution if I was a burden to the side,” the 39-year-old legend explained to German magazine Kicker. But Ribbeck turned down his request, saying: “We will pull through this together. You helped me, I will not let you fall.”
Speculation is mounting Biggest Prada Store In London that Martin Edwards is to step Agatha Ruiz Dela Prada Shoes Uk down as chief executive of Manchester United. But the club insist that no board reshuffle has been decided on yet.
Sheffield Wednesday chairman Howard Culley has survived a vote of no-confidence.
TONIGHT’S TV AND RADIO
BBC1: A Question of Sport Special (7pm)
Not that good, but it’s not They Think It’s All Over so it’s got something going for it.
ITV: Euro 2000 – Live (7.30pm)
Have a rummage through the big pile of pizza boxes and empty cans of cheap lager in your front room. Eventually, you should find an armchair. Sit in it and watch Sweden v Turkey.
British Eurosport: Euro 2000 Football – Live (7pm)
It’s on ITV, remember.
BBC1: MOTD @ Euro 2000 (12midnight)
These lads need cheering up. Watch their highlights, go on.
Euro 2000 Replay (12.45am)
They’re Best Prada Outlet In Italy still a bit sad. Watch the first half of this Authentic Prada Gauffre Bag at least.
ITV: The Big Match (2.35am)
Now put your boot through the screen in protest.
World Football (4.15am)
You can’t watch this. Your telly is bust.
Channel 5: Major League Soccer (4.30am)
No point even telling you what’s on this.
Sky Sports 1: Fifa TV (6.30pm, 10.45pm)
Putting some football programmes on now, are we?
Futbol Mundial (7pm)
Well it’s too little too late. We’re not watching Sky until the Premiership starts again. Or maybe earlier.
Radio 5 Live: Euro 2000 – Live (7pm)
They’re live, in the ground, live, bringing live football coverage to you live, as it happens, live. Unlike that lot at Talksport.